The Croy

I stopped by the local grocery store to pick up some La Croix yesterday. When I say La Croix I mean “generic fizzy water that is not $4.99 for 8 cans.” Once inside, a man pushing an empty cart walked up to me saying “Hey Brother!!” I quickly glanced to make sure it was not Hulk Hogan. It was not Hulk Hogan. He had on a stained Indianapolis Colts jersey of a player not immediately recognizable by the general public. You can tell a lot by the player a human chooses to adorn their body with. It was clear his jersey was not ironic and I assumed it was simply being used as normal clothing. He then spoke of his recent struggles and told me that he was homeless and hungry. He asked if I could buy him some food. He glanced at my cart which contained generic bread, off brand sparkling water, and bo-bo apple juice, however my heart was filled with a name brand willingness to help! We were standing next to an end cap with chips on it and I cheerfully told him to grab a bag and come with me up front so we could check out. He said he loves chips but he really had a hankering for some ground beef. I apologized and let him know I was in a hurry but I would be glad to buy him the adjacent chips. He paused. He looked again at the brands in my cart. He saw the loaf of bread created for bologna lovers everywhere, my sub-par The Croy brand waters, and my Mawt’s brand Apple Juice. He unexpectedly looked me up and down as well. He paused again and said, “You know what man, you look like you are doing just as bad as I am. I’ll just ask somebody else in here.”

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